Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver’s window, and taps on it with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?”

The Marine says, “You’re on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you’ll have your ID card ready.”

Driver says, “I’m sorry, We’re in the Air Force, and we didn’t know.”

The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.

The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”

The Marine says,”Just making your wishes come true.”

The passenger says, “Huh?”

The Marine says, “I know that as soon as you pull away you’re gonna say, ‘I wish that sucker would’ve tried that stuff with me!’”

News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.

They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, “I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?”

Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili.” The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”

Jesse Jackson said, “You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing “We Shall Overcome” one last time.” The chief said, “Go right ahead, we’re listening.” Jackson sang the song, and then said, “Now I can die in peace.”

Cokie Roberts said, “I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end.” The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, “Now I can die happy.”

The chief turned and said, “And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?”

“Kick me in the ass,” said the Marine.

“What?” said the chief. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,” insisted the Marine.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?”

“What!?” said the Marine, “And have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!”

Back in 1775, in Tun’s Tavern, recruiting started for the new Marine Corps. The very first Marine enlistee came in, signed the papers and took an oath. He was then told to go outside and wait for the other enlistee’s to go through the process. They would assemble later on the front yard.

After a few minutes the second enlistee came out and had a seat on the steps, beside the first. The first man looked at the second and began, “Son, let me tell you about the Old Corps.”

That reminded me of this old joke.

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.”

“Ha!” said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.”

Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, “I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute.”

“Yes, Sir!!!” the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells “Hoo-ahh!” and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact.

“That’s nothing,” the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. “Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style.”

“Yes, Sir!!!” the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact.

“Hmmph,” the Marine growled. “Ya’ll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here,” he said (yelling “Marine Corps!” as all Marines tend to do.)

He calls a Lance Corporal over. “Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!”

The Corporal yells, “Ooh-rah!”, by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells “Semper Fi Do or Die!” and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left.

The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, “That’s nothing.” The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. “Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute.”

The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, “Screw you! You kiss my ass first!” and walks off.

The Admiral turns to the others and says, “Now THAT’S courage!”

Sounds funny.

Hey, wait a minute…